It’s harder being back home, a place I’d always thought I missed and wished I’d stayed in…

I thought I missed it for the weather, that wasn’t it

I thought I missed it for the people, that wasn’t it

I missed my childhood. I missed the memories I had, the ones that ended due to someone else’s decision to leave here.

I missed my family, of whom most I still haven’t seen and others that passed away.

I missed how happy and content I was with how things WERE that I shut out anything new.

I had been away for 28 years…. And now, I miss the place that I called home for 21 of those years. I have so much disappointment within myself for longing for something for so long without ever really determining it was what I was really needing.

Still, I carry so much regret for choices in my twenties… things that make me wonder why the hell there’s no “transition” period from being under 18 to over 18… as silly as that might seem… but I clearly would have benefited from it. I’m sure others could have as well…

It creates worry for me towards my own children but at the same time, I can only hope that maybe they’ll be smarter than I was then.