Well, the last straw had finally been pulled.

The disagreements, the disappearing, the lies and the physical fights…. I was done. I left. We left.

Everything in me screamed no, don’t leave, don’t take the kids, don’t do that to him/them, don’t take the easy route. I’ve always been the person to never believe in taking kids away from another parent unless for specific obvious reasons/danger etc. While there were never any issues regarding the kids and his time with them… The children AND myself never ever deserved the crap we dealt with. The lack of heat in the trailer, the inability to pick up his tools, bolts, screws, saws, every sharp object you could think of laying around for the kids to “explore” when I wasn’t looking. I ran myself insane worrying all day and night about that shit. Had he showed interest every day rather than when it was more “convenient” for him I would have stayed and handled the issues longer. But for 5 years, I did. For 5 years, back and forth of living there and moving out.

It wasn’t until hitting a year of being here that I started looking back and seeing the differences. The improvements, the things I’d set aside and disregarded, the amount of things I’d been ignoring hoping things would improve or get better…

The toxic attachment my daughter and her father had that would cause world shattering meltdowns because he rarely came around… now gone.

They still video time to time, he still pushes how it’s my fault he’s not in their lives yet he’s still the one neglecting any video calling attempts and I’m the one arranging and pushing them.

They’ve both shown so much improvement it’s pretty amazing to see honestly.

My, now teenager, and I have the bigger struggle though. She’s been dealing with my fuck ups in life since she was a toddler and fortunately now, she’s seeing how much better I am and the kids too, by being away. Of course we fly her down to visit & so far she’s handled being away from her “home” pretty well.

Though, as school starting creeps closer, I wonder how she will be on the way back. She’s got lots of friends and her dad and step mom are very supportive of my doing this, even have offered to speak on my behalf in court if necessary for custody.

Drawbacks though, it’s incredibly lonely. I constantly miss being there, not in that place but just the state/town etc.

But fingers are crossed and there are more smiles surrounding me than ever before.

I can only hope in the future, they’d be as understanding.