Today is Day 1 of being completely child free …. The younger ones have been gone for 3 days now and the oldest for 1 day. The young ones will be back in 5 days … 6-7 days for the oldest.

I’ll tell you right now, nobody will ever be able to explain the amount of tears you’ll shed because you miss your littles.

I’ve held myself back from bawling like a baby since the babies left, until today. Today I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Certain realizations regarding change and things that I find difficult to accept have begun to hit, staring at their toys, managing the silence, feeling like the house is empty….like I’m empty… Without them.

I never realized how much I lean on my littles to be able to do normal every day tasks, especially going anywhere. I hadn’t realized I’d retreated further into my introvert self since having them. Normally I don’t go anywhere, do anything, see anyone or talk to anybody unless it’s regarding the babies…

Simple tasks like going to get groceries, where I’d normally have difficulty going and doing by myself.., the kids were how I would mask the anxiety and stress that it would give me. They allowed me to do the normal everyday things that people do regularly without having to worry about things in my head my anxiety I stress my nerves as odd as that sounds considering how stressful it can be to take children grocery shopping….